Jags Build 3 Tier Field in Hopes of Fielding 1 Good Team

jags practice fieldThe Jacksonville Jaguars have released pictures of their proposed 3-tiered practice field. The field will allow them the capacity to practice 270 players at Training Camp, rather than the meager 90 that take the field for the rest of the teams in the league. It is hoped that from this vast quantity of players, an NFL caliber team will emerge.  Continue reading

New City Ordinance Allows Citizens to Keep Detroit Lions as Pets

Louis Delmas says he can't wait to play frisbee and urinate on bushes with pups "Gabby" and "Smooches".

Louis Delmas says he can’t wait to play frisbee and urinate on bushes with Detroit pups “Gabby” and “Smooches”. Said Delmas, “I haven’t had anyone to roll around with for a long time!”

Residents of Detroits will soon be able to watch Matthew Stafford or Reggie Bush frolicking around in the backyard with their household pets. A new Detroit city ordinance allows fans to keep Detroit Lions as pets.

“We are pleased to allow the citizens of Detroit to keep Detroit Lions as pets,” said Detroit Mayor Mike Duggan “This will allow Lions fans who cannot afford to go to the games an opportunity to get closer to the players and perhaps help us get some butts in the stands.” Continue reading

Sunco Foods Announces OTC Help for Jilted Playoff Contenders

 

xlaxSunco Foods announced the immediate distribution of its newest Pharmaceutical “Super Bowl XLAX” in stores and regions where NFL Playoff contending teams have been sent home. The product will be available as early as Monday in markets in and around Dallas, Green Bay, and Denver.

“We are pleased to bring relief to these afflicted regions,” said Sunco’s CMO Kirby Whistlstop, “For fans and team members who had to suffer through Super Bowl XLIX, Super Bowl XLAX should be just the ticket for gentle relief. We expect many suffering fans will finally be able to flush out XLIX with XLAX.”

The gentle laxative has a stool softener and the Super Bowl XLAX version also contains a natural plant extract, scozobin that has been shown to alleviate depression and restore a sense of hope and well-being. Plus, it has a chocolate coating to make taking it, and Super Bowl XLIX easier to swallow. And it makes prank brownies…because laughter, after all is the best medicine.

CP Newswire