Super Bowl nightmares, Packers revamp defense, and more.
Brought to you by the Face/Butt towel. Keep the important things straight. Order today.
The Green Bay Packers have added a new element to their strength and conditioning program in the hopes that next season they won’t be one of the five most injured units in the league. The new position is “Dismemberment Management Specialist” and will be filled by Boston native and injury perseverance expert Zed Zombie.
“We are pleased to announce Zed Zombie as Dismemberment management specialist.” Packers Head Coach Mike McCarthy said in a press conference today. “Coach Zombie was a High School strength and conditioning coach before he walked among the undead and has over five years of experience with rotting flesh and dismemberment. He has traveled from Boston to Green Bay on foot -and by “on foot” I mean he only has one foot left- wearing only the tattered remnants of the clothes on his back. When I saw that, I knew he was the one to help us with the challenges. We know that injuries are part of the game and last season we were limited in what we could do.”
- Green Bay
Mike McCarthy today announced that the Green Bay Packers will be sticking to Dom Capers’ 3-4 defense for the 2014 season. The announcement came after speculation of a change on the announcement that all the Packers linebackers would meet in the same room.
“We will remain a 3-4 defense, but how many times are we really in a base 3-4” said Mike McCarthy today. “What it comes down to is players, we need great players.” Continue reading
The Seahawks returned to Seattle Wednesday in full regalia to be a part of Seattle’s reception parade. The 12th man, which the Seahawks fans are known as, were out in full force to the tune of 1 million people. But the crowd was overwhelmed and soundly beaten by the Seahawks, which saw their defense record 5 sacks, 2 forced fumbles 3 INT’s and 1 tackle for loss.
“That’s what you get when you try me with a sorry Mayor like Ed Murray!” cornerback Richard Sherman said after being paired up with the Seattle mayor on the daisy-laden Starbucks “Warm a Heart” float. Sherman pushed Murray off the float, causing him to fall 8 feet and cough up the commemorative football he had just had Sherman sign in a photo op. Afterward, Murray expressed that if all Seattle students had been able to attend the parade without punishment, it may have been enough to turn the tide.
Sherman had reason to be upset as all three of the interceptions took place on the Pike Place Fish Market Boat Float where Earl Thomas picked off a Yellowfin Tuna, a large Mahi Mahi, and a Herring. That was when the 12th man knew the momentum was swinging against them. Continue reading
In honor of recent legalization of marijuana in both Washington State and Colorado, the field at Giants stadium was planted with a marijuana mix as New York State gave a symbolic nod to the new legislation.
The move was appreciated by the Seahawks as they commented on the lush green color and characteristic aroma. The gesture, however, turned out to be disastrous for the Broncos who were seen grazing during pregame warmups. Continue reading
#5- John Elway channels his inner quarterback down to Peyton Manning during Super Bowl 48. Unfortunately for Peyton…it is his Super Bowl 21 inner quarterback…broncos lose 24-21
#4- The Seahawks install a number of plays to help Russell Wilson’s efficiency, including the jump pass, defender-helmet-rebound pass, and several passes between the legs of defenders. Continue reading
# 5- Russell Wilson is mistaken for halftime entertainer Bruno Mars and whisked away to dress rehearsal where he is last seen sporting a flat top and wearing a sequined onesie with a collar and four inch heeled boots
# 4- Days before the Super Bowl Russell Wilson decides he’d really rather play baseball after all.
Restructuring the playoffs, a possible Rams move, player conduct policy, and Uncle Argyle’s Super Bowl prediction.
Sponsored by The Cheese Store of Laughs.
The Denver Broncos’ Super Bowl hopes took a big hit today as quarterback Peyton Manning decided to watch the Super Bowl at his brother’s house. Continue reading