The NFL has announced that they intend to install custom data chips in footballs in the 2016 season. Officials claimed that the data chips are intended for the purpose of tracking field goals in an attempt to determine if the uprights should be narrower.
However, Chub Bee of the Strategic Analyst of Computation (or SAC), informed Cheese Newswire reporter Edward Sprickentate of a covert operation whereby footballs will be dispersed to Patriot players in an attempt to document their movements.
Most of the team was thrilled to receive the balls because nobody had ever cared enough to give them a gift before. Tom Brady, however, refused to carry one of the data tracking balls stating, “I’ve never had balls before and I’m not going to start now.”
Data will be streamed live to Roger Goodell’s living room where he’ll watch the feed closely while eating Oreos and drinking cheap wine.