Matthew Stafford’s tenure in Detroit has been a disappointment thus far. Number nine has led some powerful offensive teams and has stunk it up like a bad batch of limburger cheese.
Still, Stafford is a consummate professional who is unwilling to give up hope easily. He spent weeks this off season working on his pointing technique.
Said Stafford, “I reviewed hours of film from last season and was utterly appalled by my sloppy pointing technique. It’s no wonder the guys were confused so often. One time I was pointing at the sky with my middle finger and it was aimed right at Clay Matthews. That turned out to be a huge mistake.”
Stafford studied some of the great pointers of history; Uncle Sam, Smoky Bear, and Richard Nixon with that fancy four fingers pointing to the sky maneuver. In early March, he hired John Travolta as his pointing coach.
“I saw him in a movie… Saturday Night something… and was completely enamored with his pointing technique. After training eight hours a day for six days a week with Mr. Travolta, I’m ready to show Detroit some world class pointing. Playoffs here we come.”
Stafford arrived at camp early to mount a disco ball in his locker.