The Seattle police department was called to 800 Occidental Ave S Thursday night to investigate a domestic dispute call where they found a Packers foot that had been shot multiple times.
“We were initially called in for a domestic dispute…neighbors said they heard shouts of ‘319…319 HUT!'”, said Seattle police chief Funyon Walterschmidt. “This went on for about an hour and a half and then all went quiet. After that second hour and a half of silence, neighbors became concerned that something was amiss. Our investigation revealed a Packers foot that had been shot multiple times…the wounds appear to be self inflicted.”
This appears to be no isolated incident as there have been four other such cases reported in Washington, Detroit, Los Angeles, and Foxborough MA.
“We have been following this pattern for a couple months now,” said Barry Lavenclerk, of the Wisconsin DCI “and each incident in each city has some fundamental similarities that lead us to believe they are linked including…without naming names of course…a history of multiple personalities coupled with a lack of creativity which leads to basically a domestic partnership that stubbornly bangs its head against the wall and these kind of self-inflicted wounds.”
The Packers foot found in Seattle was said to have showed a lot of promise, being described by fans and family as ‘young, vibrant, and full of potential’. But now is hanging on by a thread.
When asked if the foot had indeed passed away, Walterschmidt said, “It did not…but it is in critical condition…doesn’t really look good.”